25

Because of me

When I was 18 I made a promise to myself that I would be fluent in French by the time I was 25. Two weeks ago, on my 25th birthday, I woke up in Paris where I now live. “Am I fluent in French?” she asked. “No, not yet” I answered, but I’m in the right spot. Plus, I still have a full year.

24 was the most life changing year I’ve ever had and it was all because of me. One of the quotes that I live by is from Charles Bukowski.

“I was waiting for
something extraordinary to
happen

but as the years wasted on
nothing ever did unless I
caused it.”

I could’ve stayed at my job where I was miserable and over worked. I could have found another apartment in New York and frequented the same bars feeling numb to newcomers and goers. I could have kept going on Hinge dates with guys who knew too much about fashion and too little about life. I could’ve kept loitering on Ludlow and Orchard street. I could’ve kept slipping into Soho Grand and Little Sister to dance until the sun came up. If I really wanted to I could have, but I didn’t want to. So I decided to make the change for myself.

At the office, I used to daydream about surfing in Hawaii and about the Eiffel Tower. To be sitting at a cafe instead of processes these designer clothes and I know it sounds crazy. I had may dream job until I realized how miserable everyone was, even the people I looked up to. I looked around the building and realized there was no ones job that I desired, so why would I stay? After the humiliation ritual of several rounds of interviews I was beat out for a promotion that I thought I wanted. Now I think of the girl who got the job over me and laugh at what she might be going through right now while I’m having a glass of wine with my lunch by the Seine.

The point is that your life is what you make it. At 24, I quit my corporate dream job, sold everything I owned, moved home for a summer to be with my family, and then got a job that moved me to Paris.

Because of me, I spent the Thursday of my 25th birthday shopping all day in Le Marais. I got my hair done and bought a beautiful vintage top and some red tights. That night I came home to my host family throwing me a mini birthday party with a homemade cake and gifts wrapped by two little girls who adore me with every fiber of their hearts. As they gawked at my glittery makeup and kitten heels I whisked away to a speakeasy with a friend I made upon my Paris arrival. She greeted me with a bouquet of handpicked flowers and explained how exactly each one reminded her of me. We drank a bottle of red wine and snacked on the most delicious cheese plate I’ve ever had in my life. We closed out the bar and danced with the closing bartenders under the moonlight. I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect Parisian birthday. On the train back I smiled at this new life I found for myself where I am not only in the place I’ve always wanted to be but loved and appreciated there.

And for my grand birthday gift to myself I wanted to start 25 with the same freedom I created for myself last year. So I took myself on a solo backpacking trip to Norway because I wanted to see the Northern Lights. I’ve never been one to wait for others to do what I want, obviously.

Frontal lobe fully developed, passport full, living in Paris, and on the very tip of life.

25 and alive <3